Why is it so difficult for some people to articulate what they want?

Is it difficult for you?

Let’s explore.

Do you know what you want?

Have you given any meaningful thought to what you want?

An overwhelming number of people still don’t. Understandably. Most people are not trained to think about what they want. They’re trained to think about what other people want.

Perhaps you’re one of those people who’ve been trained to think about what your parents want, and what your teachers want, and what your religious leaders want, and what your employers want, and what your country’s politicians want, and what your children want, and what your lovers want, and what your world wants, and barely ever are you encouraged to think exclusively about what you want.

So. How about now? How about you take half a minute right now to think about what you want?

Did you do it?

How about now?

Half a minute.

Thirty seconds.

Are you thinking about what you want?

Well, are you?

Are you excited about what you’re thinking about?

Are you thinking about what you want?

Is the thought of what you want alluring?

It should be, right?

When you’re really thinking about what you really want, thirty seconds is just too short, isn’t it?

So did you think about what you want?

It’s okay if you didn’t. Isn’t it ridiculous how difficult it can be to think about what we want when we’ve spent a lifetime practicing trying to consider what everyone else wants.

Your elders have conned you successfully if you find it easier to consider what other people might want before thinking about what you want. They have conned you into taking more responsibility for their wants than yours. How weird is that? Who’s going to take responsibility for your wants now, huh?

Now imagine you considered your own life independent of others. Especially of those others who don’t care about your wants. Think about it. The people who demand you do their bidding treat you like you’re inferior to them, and yet they are the ones who need you do their biddings.

Does it not make sense to you to prioritise your own wants and give them due respect? Or, at least, more respect than you’re giving to the wants of the people who shouldn’t matter.

photo by Andrea Tummons

Try it again. Take a few seconds to breathe, centre yourself, and think about what you want.

Write it down. Refine it. Embellish it. Own it.

The people you work for have, in some form or the other, identified what they wanted and are living in a way that supports it, whether you agree with their methods or not. Don’t you think you owe yourself the respect to figure out your own path to your ideal life, too?

Is it even possible?

Another huge reason most people don’t even try to think about what they want is they have been convinced that what they want is not possible for them to have.

Well, what a shitty life you’ve been dropped into, hey? What’s even the point of living it if it’s guaranteed to be miserable from the get-go? I mean, if it’s not even possible to have a little of what you want, is it no wonder so many people are giving up while they still have so much life to live.

You have got to start believing in the possibilities of your dreams. You’ve got to start believing in your resilience and in your worthiness.

Nobody is going to come and save you. There’s nothing to save you from. You simply have got to prioritise your life over other people’s; Just because they aren’t taking responsibility for their respective lives doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take responsibility for yours. Take the baby steps towards believing in yourself and in your worth, and that you are important enough and valuable enough to deserve whatever it is you want to do, and be, and have.

Let your mind wander

It’s simpler than you think.

When you stop stopping yourself from dreaming, all you have to do is allow your mind to wander and it will wander in the direction of what you want. Pay attention. Take notes, if you want. And allow yourself to drift in the direction of your dreams.

Are you thinking about what you want right now?

If not, why not? Maybe you need to practice clearing your mind more often. Practice meditation daily. Practice thinking about having what you want. Practice believing in yourself.

Practice thinking about the life you prefer.

Is it enticing?

Is it satisfying?

Is it alluring?

It should be all of these things.

And if it isn’t, let yourself dream a little deeper. Let yourself allow a little more of you into your world. Let yourself be worth a little bit more.

Doesn’t it make sense that what you want will be powerfully fascinating and attractive to you?

I mean, you can think you want sensible things and there’s no reason to not want sensible things. But, also, don’t limit what you want to want! Want what you really want. Want as much as you dare. And then allow yourself to pursue and realise what you want.